Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving.What a wonderful day - time to reflect on the blessings you have received in your life. I have 2 wonderful nephews who are in the same preschool class, and yesterday their class held a Thanksgiving feast. Some of the students dressed up as Pilgrims, and others as Indians. (As you can see, one of their hats was a little too big!) It was a neat experience to be there with them, and to think about what the first Thanksgiving might have been like. I imagine there weren't any bananas as we had at preschool...

I can't imagine what it would have been like to live the way the Pilgrims did. I have been to Plymouth Plantation in Massachusetts - and seen the replicas of homes the early settlers lived in. I have seen the way they grew their food, the hard work to prepare everything over the fire... and I am so grateful to not have lived during that time in history.

I am so grateful to have a beautiful home to live in, plenty of food to eat (which I didn't have to grow/store) and plenty to share with others as well. I know that I have lived an extremely blessed life. There are so many things I have taken for granted - home, food, clothing, warmth, friends, freedoms ~ the list is long. My goal for the next year is to find one new thing to be grateful for each day. I know I will be able to see more things that I have taken for granted ~ it will change my life... and for that I am grateful!!

Freedom & gratitude

What freedoms do you take for granted? The opportunity to talk to your brother? Hug a spouse? Speak your mind? Ability to atend church?

Zane has been home from Afghanistan since the end of August 2007. This weekend I had the opportunity to visit with a brother I don't get to see very often.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I know many people like to reflect on blessings they are grateful for. I am grateful to have my husband home. I am grateful for my family, for the opportunity we have to keep in touch. I feel so grateful to have the gospel in my life, and the love of my Savior.

I can't put in to wird what I am feeling tonight about being gratful for everything the Lord has given me. I just pray we can all take that time to realize how blessed we are.

A big step!

Today I took a huge leap of faith. I have always wanted to share my photography with the world... and today I took some of my work, framed, to hang in my chiropractor's office. I have always loved my work, but have kept it to myself, not willing to let that private part of my life be seen. I have just started opoening that door. I showed some of my pictures to friends on Saturday - and was even given requests of places to photograph. What a great way to have the opportunity to see some of the Lord's creations that I might not have otherwise thought of photographing? I am anxious to begin my new adventure!

I just pray that the photos on display will touch people enough for them to stop and enjoy some of the Lord's beauty, if only for a moment. That is my goal in sharing the gift I have been given - to encourage others to appreciate the Lord's beauty.

Choices and consequences

I have been thinking this morning about choices and consequences.

We have agency to make choices, however, we do not always have the agency to choose what the consequence will be. We break the law, we either will or will not get caught. We tell lies... we will either be caught - or not. It is not up to us.

The kind of person we are, however, is up to us. We can choose to be honest in all we do. We decide whether or not we obey the laws of the land. We choose to have integrity, doing what is right when others around us may not be. We are on this earth to learn these lessons - not to float through life. We may not always get our way. There are many people who have become experts at manipulation, causing others to believe "it's my way or the highway". To them, I say... or not.

I will be honest and say I have, at times, had a difficult time facing the truth of my life. I have struggled when I was with friends to make the right choices. I have made choices where I was not pleased with the consequences that followed. I am learning in life, just as everyone else is.

The picture of the trees above I took yesterday. I see a meaning thre for me that is very profound. Sometimes in life we have friends or family that stand by us, who "back us up" just like I see these trees standind "back to back". The trees have seen the same weather patterns, have the same view from the top of the mountain... yet they grew differently. Just something to reflect on.

Birthday determinations

Yesterday was my birthday. I am 36, can you believe it? I don't feel any older than I did 3 days ago... but I certainly feel wiser! Crossing that finish line at the end of the half marathon Saturday certainly taught me some valuable life lessons. I have been doing a lot of reading - surprise, surprise. Recently, I have been finding my place in life, and the path I am to take.

Buddah said:

We are what we think.
All that we are arises
With our thoughts.
With our thoughts,
We make our world.

In the past, for some unknown reason, I have felt that my opinion is less valuable than others. I felt that in order to have friends, I had to do what they wanted - in order for them to like me. I have allowed people to run my life for me by pushing their opinions on me.. and I have allowed that. In order to preserve peace, I have allowed my own desires to be pushed aside. I used to believe this is what "good people" do - sacrifice everything for everybody else. I was very wrong.

In his book "Awaken the Giant Within" Anthony Robbins makes a very good point. He says we should ask questions in order to find the place we are - and the place we want to be. Here is a list that has become important to me to consider:

1. What is great about this problem?
2. What is not perfect yet?
3. What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it?
4. What am I willing to no longer do in order to make it the way I want it?
5. How can I enjoy the process while I do what is necessary to make it the way I want it?

In the book "The New Earth" Eckhart Tolle points out:
"There are many people who are waiting for the next thing to react against, to feel annoyed or disturbed about - and it never takes long before they find it. They are addicted to upset and anger as others are addicted to a drug."

I have been reflecting on my life. I have not been a person to seek out anger or upset - I have been the kind of person who is the "people pleaser" avoiding upset at all costs... including letting my point of view be ignored - allowing people to put me last. My friends and family will tell you that I have allowed myself to be a "pushover" when it comes to certain circumstances.

Crossing that finish line Saturday, and having my birthday yesterday, I have started a new life for me. I was "re-born" in to a world where I will make my opinion known. I will stand for what I feel is right. I understand that other people may not like that... and that may cause difficulties in some relationships. That is not my intent at all. What my intention is: to become who I was sent to this earth to be. I am going to stand for what I feel is good and right.

Who am I?

I am a strong, faithful daughter of a Heavenly Father who will continue to bless me as I follow His gospel and share the things I learn with others. I am a woman of conviction - who will no longer allow my conviction to be discounted by others. I have a beauty within I will share with the world; through words, art, or by example. I will live my life as a testimony of the divinity of Jesus Christ and His love for us. I fulfil the promises I have made in my life, and I will stand strong and tall as an example to those who are seeking direction in their lives.

I crossed the finish line!

I may not have been the fastest, nor the most beautiful person in the race yesterday... but I crossed the finish line! A full 2 hours behind the leader of the race, I walked across a line I thought I might never see.

This race was on Saturday, and on Thursday my doctor told me I had bronchitis. Then; less than 2 miles in to the race I injured my right foot - in a way where every step you take feels like someone is stabbing a knife right from the top of my foot through to the ground. (This is the 3rd time with the same injury...) by the time I saw the marked that said 7 miles, I wasn't sure I even wanted to go on any more. I wasn't sure I could. I also ended up with a blister on the side of my left foot that is half as long as my thumb... that's fun.

At the 10 mile marker: alone, in excruciating pain, and overwhelmed, I broke down and cried. I prayed with all my heart that my Heavenly Father would give me the strength to go on. I was in an area where new homes are being developed - and this road didn't have a single home on it yet. It was completely deserted. I felt so discouraged I simply wanted to lay down on the side of the road and let someone come back and find me... Zane was waiting at the finish line for me, and I knew he would bring the race directors to find me. I still had 3 miles left to go... and I wasn't sure that was even humanly possible to do. I was crying so hard I could barely see one foot in front of the other as I went along. If I stopped walking, I knew I would not start again.

I know the Lord sent angels to stand by my side and strengthen me. One of those angels was my friend Tammy. She came just at the time when I was struggling the most - and she encouraged me forward.

After mile marker 11, the route was very poorly marked. Apparently, there had been a police officer there earlier in the race to tell runners where to go - but he had long since gone. 2 runners in front of me ran right past the turn we had to make - and a kind woman stopped to tell them they had passed the turn. I saw them, and followed the path they took. I will forever be grateful for that kind woman who made it possible for me to reach my goal of crossing the finish line without getting lost.

So what did I learn in all of this? MANY THINGS!

1. We choose our own path in life.

2. No matter how difficult the path, the Lord is there.

3. Don't quit.

4. When you say you are going to do something - follow through. It may be harder than you ever thought it would be, but knowing you accomplished something you set out to do is worth every blister, cough, sore muscle, or heartache it takes. You will only become stronger in the long run.

5. It is a long run. Life isn't meant to be easy - so why quit during the hard times?

6. Angels are all around us. Friends and family are sometimes the angels sent to us to help us grow.

7. Run, walk or crawl across that finish line. It's your line to cross.

8. Be true to yourself. Never cheat your own value because someone else puts you down.

9. If someone puts you down, do all you can to help lift them up.

10. At the end of a race, take a long nap. YOU DESERVE IT!

A finish line to cross

This weekend is one of the most nerve-wracking weekends in my life! I am gearing up to run the Snow Canyon Half Marathon this Saturday! 13 miles is a long way to run, (walk?) and I am very nervous - but I am very excited to have this challenge ahead of me... I will probably be more excited to have it behind me by Saturday night.

My best friend Tammy (more like a sister) and I are going to be running it together. We have been looking forward to this and training for this for a long time now.

Why run a half marathon, you ask? That's a simple answer. People who run complete marathons (26.2 miles) are completely crazy - but those of us who choose to run half marathons.... well... we are only half way crazy. =) Just kidding.

I decided , in my weight loss journey, that I wanted to accomplish something others I knew had not. (As if loosing 100 pounds is something done by anyone else I know.) When I saw there was going to be a half marathon through Snow Canyon, my favorite place on earth, I figured that would be a good goal to make - run the half! Snow Canyon!

When people hear that I have lost 100 pounds, the first thing they ask me is how I did it. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it's a secret. (Well, it's Emily's Secret...) I did it all through hard work, proper diet and exercise. I have a nutritional/exercise consultant (Emily) who is a close friend. She has given me all the tools - just like Jillian and Bob on the Biggest Loser. Never seen the show? Watch it! I love Emily and am so grateful for her confidence and support. I decided, a long time ago, I got myself to the weight that I was... and I could un-do it. No surgery, no pills, andno pre-packaged meals. I had to learn on my own what it meant to live healthy. I am grateful for the challenges I have overcome.

I really look forward to writing when I get back from the race!

A lonely place to be

Sometimes when you make the right choice, it is a very lonely place to be. As you can imagine, there have been hurt feelings and horrible accusations against me, and my decision to protect a child this week. It has felt to me, that even part of my family feel I made a wrong choice, and they are standing in defense of the person I called the report to DCFS on.

All I know is this: Even the Savior knelt alone in Gethsemane. Even His closest friends did not stand at His side while he made the greatest sacrifice ever made. I know I am not the Savior, nor do I pretend to be perfect - I just feel that I am in good company as I stand, feeling judged, alone, and hated.

At one point during His ministry on earth, the Savior entered the temple. There He found money changers who were defiling it's sacredness. He would no longer stand for allowing those people to defile His father's house, and He threw them out. We are taught in the church that the second most sacred place to us should be our home, and we should not allow any television program, person or thought to take away from the sacredness we should have there. So why do we? Why do we not expect friends and family to treat us with honesty and respect? We are all children of a Heavenly Father who loves us - and we should reflect that light... not the hate that is so prevalent on earth today.

I choose to walk the path of the Savior and show His love to all around me. I pray my friends and family will choose to do the same. If not, I understand, we have agency. I choose to use mine in a positive, not a destructive, manner.

The Love of a Child

Yesterday I had to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life. As any of you who know me will attest, I love all children - and want them to be safe and happy. I know a child whom I felt was living in a situation that was not safe. I felt their needs were not being looked after, and the home they were living in was not an appropriate envirnoment for a child. After having reflected on what to do for 5 days, I finally came to the conclusion that I should call DCFS (Department of Child and Family Services).

One of the most difficult parts about making that decision is that this child's mother is my friend, and I love her dearly. I felt afraid that she would find out that I had been the one who called, and it would cause major problems with our friendship. She did find out, and so far there has been fall-out; but not just from her.

I feel badly that people who are involved think this is some kind of "getting even" with my friend. It has nothing to do with her, or the choices which she is making in her life. All it really has to do with is the child, and their emotional and physical well being.

It's true that I may not agree with my friend's choices, but that is why we have agency. God allows us to make choices that affect us - and He allows us to experience the consequences of those choices. That is the purpose of this life. He does, however, expect children to be protected and taken care of. When a child is caught in the middle of a bad situation, they have no voice. I chose to give a child a voice this week.

In the Proclamation on the Family, written by the first presidency of the LDS church, it states: "Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs... Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations... Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity... Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities... We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God." I believe that family and friends will alse be held accountable before God if they stand by and do nothing to protect His children from harm.

I have watched for a year as this child has struggled emotionally, and I finally made a judgement call. I know I will be held accountable before God for that decision. I would rather err on the side of protecting a child than on the side of allowing them to remain in an environment that is not conducive to a safe, happy life.

If my friend reads this post, I hope she understands that I did what I did out of lover for her child. I love them both dearly, and I made a decision I felt would help them improve their life situation. I hope all others reading this post also understand the reasons behind my decision. Children are a precious gift from God, and His desire is that we cherish each gift and love it to the fullness of our capacity - before we return home to His presence. My hope, in calling DCFS, was to give my friend a new perspective and a new hope on how to better her life ~ and how to create a home that is safer and more appropriate for her child to live in.

Everything I have done is out of love. I pray my friends, and family, can truly see where my decision came from - my heart, and my love of a child.

Halloween

For those of you who know me well, you understand that halloween is not my favorite holiday. I don't understand why we send children door to door begging for candy from strangers - when we usually tell them they shouldn't take candy from strangers. The logic there? Then, we also tell them to be true to themselves... yet we dress them up as something they aren't. Hmm.

That being said, I like carving pumpkins. I also see the cuteness of kids playing dress up and using their imagination.

Yesterday, 2 of my nephews dressed up for preschool. One refused to wear the costume his mom bought... so they ended up wearing each others! It was sooooooooooooooo adorable I just have to share some of the pictures!

The night before halloween, we had the Elders over for a dinner appointment, and we bought them their own pumpkins - that was a lot of fun! I wanted to share one of those pictures as well!