Decision time

Have you ever had a time in your life when you didn't know what you really wanted, or what direction you wanted to go? I had an experience this weekend where I had the opportunity to sit and really think about the direction I am going, and where I have come from.

For over a year now, I have had the chance to live a more healthy life than I have in a long time. After dropping 100 pounds, I have been able to run around, hike... do all kinds of things I had never had the health to do. I had become comfortable with the changes I had made in my life. So comfortable, in fact, it seems I had become unwilling to continue to make any new changes in my life. I have been sitting at nearly the same fitness and health level for over a year.

Saturday I had the opportunity to do some deep reflection. Why was I putting so much effort in to staying the same - appearing to put in the effort to lose weight, but sabotaging my own success? I go to the gym 3-4 times a week, work out hard - but choose to eat in a way that will not allow me to meet my goal to drop another 50 pounds. (I say drop... because in my opinion if I say "loose" that means I intend to "find" weight.)

My conclusion was this: if I lose the weight, people who are concerned about me trying to lose weight will no longer have that connection to me. I was afraid that losing the weight will cause me to lose those relationships. I was afraid to lose that connection. In doing so, I have actually given up learning how to connect with myself - in a better way than I have in my life. I have been giving up knowing myself, in order to feel connected to other people. My head wanted to lose weight - but a part of my heart really wasn't in it.

I realized that other people will not be around forever. I will always have to live with me - but friends or family have different directions they go in life. People move on or pass away - and the only person on this earth who is permanent to me... is me. My decision to drop weight really only affects my own quality of life - my health, the way I feel about myself, etc. It also affects the relationship I have with my Heavenly Father. Because I haven't been my full, true self, I haven't been able to connect fully to Him.





"You create your own universe as you go along." -Winston Churchill

"The past has no power to keep you from being present now." -Eckhart Tolle

I have a new responsibility to me now. I have the ability to make new choices that will make my life better from now on. This really is my life to live, and I get to choose how I will live it. I create everything in my day - I feel the way I choose. I act the way I choose. No past experiences or current events can effect me unless I choose to allow them to. Things in my life are going to be different from now on.