Every New Day

Every day there is excitement. There are times when it's hard to believe something is really happening in my life right now- it seems too extraordinary to believe. I am not casting doubt, in any way, shape or form- it just is so surreal to me I don't quite know how to comprehend it all. Sometimes when we receive blessings, it's not in the way we expect, look for, or even dream of. Such is the situation I am living right now. I don't want to divulge a whole lot of details at this moment, so anyone reading this will just have to be patient and understand there will be more details in the near-ish future.

I am so greateful to know that I have a Heavenly Father who hears and answers my prayers. There have been many nights where I have wondered if anyone was really listening- and all was in vain. What I have come to understand is that the answers to our prayers aren't always "yes" ...or exactly the answers when and where we are seeking them. He does hear, yet allows us the freedom to make choices that will affect our own lives. He doesn't put a stumbling block in front of us- He simply allows us to create the challenges for ourselves that will stretch our faith and allow us to grow.

What challenges have I created for myself? I have the opportunity to make a new choice about that challenge and create a new outcome. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to live, love, and learn!

Moment of truth

Something has been on my mind lately, and I want to share it. More than anything, I really want to get it out- so people know the truth about some things that I have maybe not been "quite so honest"about... and it's about time! First let me start with a little background.

I know a person who lives their life in a way that I don't understand. When something happens to them, they tell a different version of the story to everyone they meet- including their family members. Story to story, un-truth to un-truth, I have come to realize that I can't necessarily trust that person's verson of anything they tell me. I feel sad for them, as their life is difficult- and if they had told the truth each time, instead of telling the version of the story they thought the person listening wanted to hear... things would be much simpler for them. After all, if you tell a story to a particular person, you have to remember who you told what- and pretty soon, you can get caught in your own web of deceit. Friends and family begin to not trust you... and then where do you stand?

Well, here is my moment of truth. I know it sounds silly, but I really have the desire to share. Many of you know that I have been quite heavy at one point and time. I have said I weighed "about 300 pounds" and this is actually quite true. I want to come clean with everyone who knows me. At one point, I weighed 310 pounds. Today, I weigh 219. That extra 10 pounds may seem like not a lot... but imagine carrying around a 10 pound bag of sugar all the time... day and night. 10 pounds is 10 pounds!

I am on a journey of discovery- discovering who I am, and what I am capable of. I am absolutely capable of living my life in truth. The truth is- weight loss is difficult. Anyone who has tried knows!

I have so many wonderful friends, and family members who have supported me for a very long time. I have a goal to continue working in weight loss, and especially in the next 8 weeks, in a way that has integrity and honesty. Every day I am eating proper foods and doing the exercises that will help me gain the strength I need.

Every day is a challenge. I have to be honest with myself, and in keeping a journal of the things I eat. It's really ok for me to have a bowl of ice cream now and then... as long as I keep an honest record.

I have also decided to be completely honest with those around me. Why keep inside how I am truly feeling? Sometimes, in the past, I have not expressed my point of view for fear of how others might react to me. Isn't the same as doing what my friend mentioned above has done?

After all... "Honesty is the best policy!"

A sunset... on the old me!!!

Patriotism on my mind

I had an experience today I would like to share.

At church, someone was playing prelude music for everyone to listen to as the meeting was getting started. Usually, people simply talk over the music- it's more of a background than much else- and that's pretty ok with me. What happened, though, is the National Anthem was being played as prelude. As a military wife, I immediately stood and placed my hand over my heart- along with a friend sitting next to me. One other person in the room did the same. Out of respect for our country... and those who have fought and lived, as well as fought and died, it has always been my understanding you stand while the Star Spangled Banner is played. I know many people were looking at us- wondering why we were doing what we were doing- but that was perfectly fine with me. less than 5 minutes later, the Star Spangled Banner was played again, and the same 3 of us stood. I closed my eyes and thought of the words- my heart was deeply touched.

Many people don't understand the story of the National Anthem. I have heard the story told a few times... and it truly moves me. The hymn was written during the war of 1812, when Francess Scott Key was a negotiatior, sent to negotiate the release of American prisoners. Once he reached the ship in the harbor, however, he was taken captive. The Americans had been told if the flag stood in the morning, it would be considered that the Americans were victorious in the battle. Through the night, the British focused all their firepower directly on our flag pole. Brave soldiers rushed to our country's aid, holding the flag erect through the night. In the morning, as Francess looked over the harbor, he was unable to see for all the smoke that filled the air. He wrote the Star Spangled Banner as a prayer from his heart... can the flag be seen- are we victorious? And there it was, leaning heavily to one side... yet standing. America was victorious! The price? The brave men who rushed to hold up the flag during the night... many of them perished. It was their bodies the flag pole was leaning on, standing where it could be seen through the thick morning smoke.

So when the Star Spangled Banner is playing, I will stand. I will not talk - must people usually do not talk through a prayer - and I will remember those who have lived and died to give me the freedoms I now enjoy. I am so grateful to live in this great land. I am deeply grateful to those who have paid the utimate price so that I may live free.

Thank you to all the families of miltary personel - past, present, and future, for allowing your loved one to serve our country in a way few people can, or will. May the Lord bless you every day for your great sacrifice.

Independence Day

I was just refelcting on what Independence Day means to me. I know as Americans, we all enjoy the fireworks, the BBQs and picnics, the parades and swimming... but there is more to it than parties and pomp & circumstance.

What of those who have given us our freedoms? What of those families who send loved oned overseas- to have them return changed... or not return at all? I know we hear frequently that "freedom isn't free" but what does that truly mean?

For me, personally, it meant months of sleepless nights, worrying, praying. Watching a friend struggle when her husband was killed. Gathering with families of military serving over seas... just to know there was someone else in the world feeling the same way I was. Trying to explain to darling children where their favorite uncle Zane was... and taking the Zane-bear to girls camp, family reunions, youth outings, and to bed with me at night. It meant crying when I had to hang up the phone, hanging on to every word spoken- not knowing if it would be the last I heard for him. Wondering for weeks on end when he might be able to call, when a mission would end. It meant nights of staring at the phone and wishful thinking when awakening from a dream finding the phone really hadn't waken me from the slumber. It meant talking all night to him- and sleeping all day. It meant bursting in to tears for no apparent reason- and often cring myself to sleep at night. It meant being without someone I love.

Don't get me wrong. I love the parades. I love the fireworks and grilled chicken sandwich- I love the patriotic music... I love the celebrations we have! My perspective is just different than most, and I wanted to share it while it was fresh in my mind.

Happy Independence Day. This is a day I will always hold dear to my heart.