For an emotional healing class I am taking right now, I am reading the book "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers" by Debbie Ford. The sub-title of the book is "Reclaiming your power, creativity, brilliance, and dreams". This book is absolutely incredible! I highly recommend it.
There is one chapter in particular that has really moved me to see myself more clearly. I feel like in order to fully understand the meaning there, you need to read all the previous chapters- so I won't tell you which one it is- but I want to share the ideas learned that have helped me see myself more clearly. I believe this meditation would help anyone.
Debbie talks in her book about the fact there are aspect of ourselves that we either don't like, or we try to ignore and set aside. I absolutely can see some of those aspects of myself- some of them clear as day. I know others can see them too. She suggests a meditation in which we can face those aspects, see what we can learn from them, and learn to accept the face that whether we like it or not, we have that particular trait within us... and we have the ability to embrace it rather than run from it.
She suggests doing a meditation- sitting in a quiet place and visualizing yourself getting on a bus. Sit somewhere near the middle as the bus begins its journey. The bus is full of people- old, young, thin, not-so-thin, beautiful, not-so-beautiful... all types of people. There may even be animals on the bus- let nothing come as a surprise there. As you look at the other passengers on the bus, you realize each of them is an aspect of you- who you are. Continuing the meditation, looking around, you see a passenger that would like to talk with you one-on-one. Imagine the bus stopping, and the 2 of you getting off, going somewhere to talk. That passenger will either have a name- or you can help them find a name- and you spend time finding out what it is that personality trait has taught you in your life. You then, once the conversation is complete, re-embark the bus with that passenger, and continue that journey. Doing the meditation more than once, you can learn many things from many other personality traits within you.
I recently did this visualization. I was astounded! The passenger who wanted to speak with me was Fat Freddie- a passenger who seemed larger than any of the people I have even seen compete on "The Biggest Loser". He was huge- and very sad. Our conversation was very interesting. I asked him, first of all why he was sad. The reason he told me was "Because you don't accept yourself how you are. It doesn't matter what you look like, although being healthy is much better for you than what I am like, I am sad that you hate yourself. I feel sad for you that you don't understand what a beautiful person you really are." Wow. He continued, "You have learned so much in your life. Part of the reason you have so much compassion for others is that you have had such a deep struggle within. It would be wonderful for you to accept yourself as you truly are, let your light shine, and stop beating yourself up over small choices you make." When he was done talking to me, we were at a park in my mind, I sat there and cried. He was right! We re-joined the other passengers on the bus. I embraced him, then left the bus to end the meditation. There are many other passengers waiting for their opportunity to do the same thing as Freddie.
Many people have known me for a long time. I have tried, unsuccessfully at times I am sure, to hide my insecurity over my weight. I also have allowed my weight at times to become an excuse as to why I was unable to participate in certain activities... and there are activities that my weight has caused me to not be able to participate in. I have the desire to no longer struggle with any of that. Today is a new day in my life!
Debbie says in her book "If we don't shift our perception of our true selves, we'll be stuck repeating our past behavior". Isn't that profound? By talking with the passengers on my personal bus journey, I am sure I will learn many new things about myself. I am excited for the bus ride!
