An AMAZING update...

Long overdue is this update on my blog!

Zane and I will have been married for 13 years this coming April. Since day one of our marriage, we have had the hopes and dreams of becoming parents. As many can imagine, it has been quite the emotional roller-coaster ride as we have hoped, dreamed and prayed... and even tried to adopt. We have even joked with ourselves that we are the "boring old couple in the neighborhood with a cat" and the "Kool-Aid house" where all the kids gather and play in the yard. We have had a great marriage - even though we have both felt that something is missing.

Tomorrow morning at 8:30, we will be going to LDS hospital for an ultrasound of our very first child. I am pregnant, after so many years of waiting!

I thought I would share a little about how we found out:

Last fall, after our adoption fell through, I went back to school- more to occupy my time and mind than aything, but I was also very interesed in studying photography and learning more. I jumped in, both feet first, full time. THAT was difficult! After finals in December, I felt like I had completely wiped myself out, and had no more energy to go back to school in January- so I didn't. By mid January, Zane was off at military school, and I was still feeling completely worn down and unable to do much of anything... so I finally went in to the Dr's office asking for help. (Usually I avoid that at ALL costs!) We tested all my hormones, talked about depression, and the nurse practitioner I was seeing said "We have to rule out pregnncy." I just laughed at her and said "That's fine, we both know the test will turn out negative" and off I went to take a test. We were both completely floored when it came back positive! The only way my nurse practitioner can explain it? "A complete and total miracle. There is no other explination."

With Zane gone, I dialed his number and handed the phone to the practitioner... I couldn't talk! He didn't answer. I called 8 more times... he was in class and in military school, you just can't get up and leave class to answer your phone. I called my parents, and my dad answered. By now, I was in one of the exam rooms (thankfully they are carpeted) laying on the floor, bawling. I told my dad I was pregnant and his response was "I don't think I heard you right, let me get your mom." After talking to my parents, I kept calling Zane... until FINALLY he answered. His response? "That's not something to joke about, that's not funny." Of all the people in the WORLD, wouldn't you think I would know that's not something to joke about?!

So THAT being said. How do we feel? I cannot begin to express in words how blessed we feel, how overwhelmed, how loved. I, personally, had given up hope of ever being a mother. I knew I would never allow myself to go through the heartache I did last fall EVER again, and wasn't sure my body was capable of becoming pregnant.

I know God lives, and that He is a God of miracles. We see miracles around us every day - even though we may not recognize them... the flowers, blue sky - the wind as it tussles our hair... each day is a miracle. I know we are the recipients of an incredible miracle. This baby is truly a gift of God. I pray we are the kind of parents the Lord would have us be to this little soul coming to earth. I pray I can be the mother he or she deserves.

Miracles. They happen every day. I am grateful to the Lord for letting me experience this miracle.